


House of Gays

by scribblbee



Series: GAYDREAMS [1]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band), GOT7, TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Gay, Gay Panic, Gay Sex, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Why Did I Write This?, all the homo bro, but then extra homo, everything is no homo, iT'S SO GAY SKSKSJSJSKJDPOMDX, someone help me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2019-11-13 16:41:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18035315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblbee/pseuds/scribblbee
Summary: 4 groups.23 people.1 house.And a whole lotta gay.ORRR:suckneatjin: omg guys istg i just had the best time of my life and it wasn't because of foodbAMBITCH: wouldn't you consider jeongguk's ass as food tho because aHEMjuancock: i have a juicy ass iksuckneatjin: thank u, next





	1. intro: the most beautiful gay in life pt. 1

**Author's Note:**

> i got these ideas from my brother, he is hILARIOUS-
> 
> also wARNING THIS BOOK MENTIONS AND EXPLICITLY SPEAKS OF SEX AND GAY SHIT OOPS-
> 
> !!!ALSO INCLUDES POSSIBLE OFFENSIVE HUMOUR SO IF UR ONE OF THOSE SPECIAL LITTLE SNOWFLAKES THAT GETS OFFENDED BY LITERALLY ANYTHING, PLEASE DON'T READ THIS, YOU WILL ULTIMATELY REGRET IT!!!

**USERNAME IDENTIFICATION**

 

fatherfigure: namjoon

eatnsuckjin: seokjin

urdickisanoodle: yoongi

hoesuck: hoseok

thiccbish: jimin

b00tAe: taehyung

juancock: jungkook

iTSYABOI: jackson

caniplsgohome: jaebum

kermittingsuislide: yugyeom

bAMBITCH: bambam

uwO: youngjae

uwu: mark

OwO: jinyoung

lifesabitchandsoami: lisa

iwishiwassolo: jennie

jiSOOSCHRIST: jisoo

pitstitsass: rosé

cuCUMber: soobin

didisignupforthis: yeonjun

moveimgay: hueningkai

sweetass: taehyun

cookie: beomgyu

 

So!! These are the idiots in the groupchat called GAYDREAM!!

 

However, each group has their own groupchats:  


itstheyearofthegays: bts

 

bbadbbitchez: blackpink

 

got7gays?: got7

 

weonlybreathed: txt

 

 

 

The book will mostly contain the main groupchat and some regular chapters, but for now they'll be chaotic chats between the gays themselves :"DDDDD


	2. harry potter is gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i guess harry potter is gay

**suckneatjin:** guys

**suckneatjin:** this may be bold of me to say but....

**fatherfigure:** i think i know where this is going

**bAMBITCH:** please, continue 

**juancock:** he told me this earlier pls stop him

**suckneatjin:** we all know our beloved wizard boi harry potter,,,right??

**thiccbish** **:** oh no you're going to sexualize him too aren't you

**hoesuck:** bitch stfu and let the man speak

**suckneatjin:** after tireless researching, i have come to the conclusion that,,,

**uwO:** lol come

**uwu:** bitch nO 

**OwO:** perhaps i am ready to slap a bitch

**suckneatjin:** sHUT UP

**iTSYABOI:** okii continue

**suckneatjin:** after an extended period of researching, i have come to the conclusion that our beloved harry potter boi is actually gay

**urdickisanoodle:** i  _knew_ it!!!!!!!!!¡¡¡¡¡!!!!!

**urdickisanoodle:** no one ever believed me but i knew better, and now i can prove it to the people in denial!!!!¡¡¡!!!

**iwishiwassolo:** y'all are homophobic if you never believed harry potter is gay

**jISOOSCHRIST:** jennie, i love you but,,,wtf????

**lifesabitchandsoami:** yeah,,,

**suckneatjin:** dO YOU NOT SEE THE OBVIOUSNESS THAT WAS HIS GAY

**urdickisanoodle:** tHINK OF THE WAY HE REACTS TO SOME GAY SHIT

**iwishiwassolo:** hE WAS TURNED ON BY SOME OF IT I KNOW IT, YOU CAN SEE IT IN HIS FACE

**moveimgay:** r u srsly convinced that he's  _gay_????

**suckneatjin:** YES WE ARE CONVINCED

**cookie:** 'tis a sad day in history

**cuCUMber:** this is y'all's hyungs???

**suckneatjin:** stfu no one asked you beanstalk looking ass

**cuCUMber:** i am so hurt rn

**lifesabitchandsoami:** no one gives a fuck

**moveimgay:** thank u, next

**hoesuck:** hello i am here to interrupt by saying that mono is so underrated 

**thiccbish:** sleep on pillows and beds not on the masterpiece that is mono

**juancock:** created by  _the_ kim namjoon himself

**juancock:** did i ever mention that kim namjoon is my boy crush bc if not then yes, kim namjoon is my boy crush

**b00tAe:** i think you mention this like every single fucking day dude

**uwO:** let him love his boo, boo 

**b00tAe:** i am ur hyung u don't call me boo

**fatherfigure:** i was abt to say uwu but youngjae and taehyung killed it

**juancock:** way to fucking go fucktards 

**thiccbish:** prOFANITY

**didisignupforthis:** as if you don't swear like those words are the only words you know

**urdickisanoodle:** he even knows how to say them in english, thx to namjoon

**fatherfigure:** can u rly resist those puppy eyes he gives u tho

**urdickisanoodle:**  ....maybe.

**caniplsgohome:** bitch no, i saw you crying the other day bc of a stupid gif of the dumbass

**urdickisanoodle:** yeah right, you probably don't know what gif it was

**caniplsgohome:**

**urdickisanoodle:** SAKDNVLFK NDSLDF:NCDDFHERFHEIHSHNALKFBCSBALSKSKDBSKSKKDSLSKSDLN

**juancock:** -.-'

**didisignupforthis:** _uwu_

**fatherfigure:** did you just italicize uwu??

**didisignupforthis:** it's emphasis for how cute that is leave me alone 

**b00tAe:** k so yoongi is in my room crying over the gif someone help me

**uwu:** ur on ur own bro

**caniplsgohome:** i found more

**caniplsgohome:**   

**OwO:** that's,,,adorable,,,

**iwishiwassolo:** i am crying over bts' song sea

**b00tAe:** don't worry we cried while recording

**iwishiwassolo:** is that supposed to make me feel better????

**uwO:** omg i am so emo

**jiSOOSCHRIST:** i just listened to it,,,i am,,,devastated

**cookie:** there r tears on my screen and keyboard of my laptop

**cookie:** how tf r ur fans still alive

**sweetass:** they're half-dead

**moveimgay:** do u blame them tho

**pitstitsass:** that song made me rethink life and go thru a midlife crisis

**urdickisanoodle:** ever listened to blueside on a rainy day?

**juancock:** ....yes.

**urdickisanoodle:** it's okay, we can cry together

**hoesuck:** wuts a blueside

**suckneatjin:** at this point i'm not even surprised

**fatherfigure:** how do u not remember ur own song??

**hoesuck:** i wrote that??

**urdickisanoodle:** i mean if you came up with a song that beautiful would you rly recall making it?

**fatherfigure:** now that i think abt it i don't recall much of the process of making mono

**thiccbish:** bro all i remember abt promise was that it was gonna be super fucked up and that's it

**juancock:** when i do covers i don't even remember singing them

**uwO:** y'all stOOPID and ANCIENT 

**uwu:** says u

**kermittingsuislide:** bro ur way older than him

**uwu:** stfu no one asked you 

**OwO:** rip


	3. i promise he's not a furry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i can promise you that kim taehyung is not a furry

**juancock:** someone help me

 **uwO:** wassup bro

 **kermittingsuislide:** there's a fURRY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD WE NEED TO EVACUATE

 **uwu:** fURRY ALERT I REPEAT FURRY ALERT!!!!

 **bAMBITCH:** EVACUATE THE AREA 

 **hoesuck:** THIS IS NOT A DRILL, I REPEAT, NOT A DRILL!!

 **fatherfigure:** wtf are you idiots doing this time

 **thiccbish:** tHERE IS A FURRY

 **fatherfigure:** _what._

 **suckneatjin:** kids i am so sorry i must leave this city now. 

 **b00tAe:** what are you guys talking abt??

 **urdickisanoodle:** oMG THERE HE IS

 **canigohomepls:** oKAY EVERYONE JUST STAY CALM 

 **cuCUMber:** sTAY FUCKING CALM

 **b00tAe:** are you guys okay???

 **juancock:** beGONE FOUL DEMON

 **b00tAe:**   _nani_

 **fatherfigure:** i will attempt to speak to it thru it's language, please wish me luck

 **sweetass:** the bravest hyung of them all

 **b00tAe:** what is going on??? :-(

 **thiccbish:** oHNO I DON'T UNDERsTAND IT

 **cookie:** wAT IS IT SAYING

 **fatherfigure:** i will try to communicate

 **b00tAe:** can someone explain to me this situation

 **fatherfigure:** uwu sorry, we just realised there's a furry in this house :-p

 **b00tAe:** wait, really?? that's terrible ;-((((

 **fatherfigure:** yeah, and he won't leave :((((

 **b00tAe:** oh no :/ maybe you should ask nicely :-(

 **thiccbish:** taehyung, can you step outside with me for a moment?

 **b00tAe:** oh! sure :-)

 **thiccbish:** ty uwu

 **fatherfigure:** c u owo

 **b00tAe:** bai bai :-D

 **juancock:** ,,,,,,

 **uwu:** ,,,,,,

 **caniplsgohome:** i think he's gone

 **fatherfigure:** thANK GOD

 **juancock:** i can't believe he actually kissed him

 **jISOOSCHRIST:** HE LET HIM LICK HIS FACE

 **pitstitsass:** DISGUSTANG

 **iwishiwassolo:** i need to hide all the dogs in this house

 **hoesuck:** u do realise that he will see this when he gets back

 **urdickisanoodle:** it's better than having to kick him out over text

 **thiccbish:** eye,,,

 **b00tAe:** yOU GUYS THINK I'M A FURRY????

 **thiccbish:** i tried to stop him,,,

 **suckneatjin:** it's okii bby u tried ur best

 **b00tAe:** nO IT'S NOT OKAY

 **b00tAe:** U IDIOTS SERIOUSLY THINK I AM A FUCKIN FURRY

 **moveimgay:** well,,,,

 **kermittingsuislide:** yOU LET A DOG KISS YOU ALL OVER THE FACE

 **kermittingsuislide:** THAT'S LIKE SUCKING FACE WITH A DOG

 **b00tAe:** hoseok lets mickey kiss him all the time?? and the same goes with yoongi and holly??

 **urdickisanoodle:** we let them nuzzle our faces but we don't let them soak our faces in drool and spit??

 **hoesuck:** i don't think mickey has ever tried to kiss me, he licks my face when i have food but that's it

 **hoesuck:** otherwise that's a no from both sides

 **b00tAe:** yeah well i don't let tana just regularly kiss me like that?? it was just because we were on camera?

 **OwO:** explain how that is supposed to make this any better

 **uwO:** he's fueling the furries' ammunition

 **iTSYABOI:** i missed a lot, what happened??

 **b00tAe:** everyone thinks i'm a furry??

 **iTSYABOI:** why,,,,?

 **b00tAe:** bc i let yeontan kiss me on the lips

 **fatherfigure:** it's a fucking dog

 **thiccbish:** you don't let dogs kiss you like that bro

 **b00tAe:** why not? he isn't gonna kill me that way??

 **juancock:** you don't actually enjoy the kisses do you,,,,

 **b00tAe:** ofc not bby

 **juancock:** oh thank god 

 **juancock:** for a second there i thought a dog's kisses were better than mine and i was gonna start crying

 **b00tAe:** why would i ever find a kiss better than yours, let alone a dog's??

 **juancock:** listen i don't know all the things you're into okay

 **thiccbish:** so,,,do this mean tae tae isn't a furry,,,?

 **iTSYABOI:** obviously he wasn't from the start, to be an actual furry he'd have to like to make hybrid animals as illustrations, sexualize human like animals, dress up in furry suits, and talk all weird like namjoon was attempting to do

 **uwu:** you seem to have high knowledge in furries

 **uwO:** mark no

 **uwu:** fURRY ALERT

 **OwO:** tHIS IS WHY MOM DOESN'T FUCKING LOVE YOU

 **iTSYABOI:** i just knew a couple furries, so then i had to avoid some of them bc they liked the idea of fucking a pony

 **suckneatjin:** oh sweet jisoos

 **jISOOSCHRIST:** that is,,,,disgustang

 **lifesabitchandsoami:** glad to know none of us r furries

 **b00tAe:** i mean, not all furries are bad you know

 **fatherfigure:** by my statistical research, only a small portion of furries actually have genuine sexual fantasies about animals or animal-human hybrids

 **juancock:** tbh taehyung would have been the good furry

 **thiccbish:** and a hot one too

 **juancock:** wait would a furry taehyung be into like me wearing bunny ears and a tail in bed or,,,,?

 **fatherfigure:** not exactly

 **suckneatjin:** pls don't tell me ur gonna buy animal ears for us all

 **urdickisanoodle:** i get dibs on the cat ears

 **hoesuck:** pussy

 **uwu:** u guys r disgusting

 **OwO:** as if u haven't tried public sex with jackson

 **uwO:** or any of the weirder stuff like exhibitionism 

 **iwishiwassolo:** u guys r horrific

 **iwishiwassolo:** rosie hold me

 **pitstitsass:** on it bby

 **didisignupforthis:** i come back after a few hours and this,,,is the mess i'm given?

 **cookie:** welcome to the party

 **moveimgay:** we've been expecting you

 **cuCUMber:** and we've just been spectating these hyungs

 **sweetass:** they're a special breed of human 

 **bAMBITCH:**  that they r

 **didisignupforthis:** and ur the worst of us all

 **uwO:** ouch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell how many brain cells i have


	4. mint chocolate chip ice cream w/ the debate team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a certified debate team

**thiccbish:** i just wanna know

 **thiccbish:** it seems a lot of times our conversations end with arguments all the time

 **thiccbish:** is there beef i don't know abt

 **suckneatjin:**  no it's because this group chat is as dysfunctional as the aftermath of eating taehyung's mac n cheese

 **b00tAe:** okay listen here bitch

 **b00tAe:** i make  _bomb_ ass mac n cheese

 **suckneatjin:** PUTTING MAC N CHEESE IN THE MICROWAVE DOESN'T COUNT AS MAKING MAC N CHEESE DAMMIT 

 **uwu:** mac n cheese is revolting 

 **iTSTABOI:** bro what

 **fatherfigure:** almost as revolting as mint chocolate chip ice cream

 **juancock:**   _EXCUSE ME?_

 **hoesuck:** oh you've done it now

 **uwO:** he's only using one question mark, he is  _pissed_

 **juancock:** namjoon, i love you

 **juancock:** i really do 

 **fatherfigure:** oh thank god i thought you were about to suplex me out the window

 **juancock:** u know what i was just going to yell at you but i think that's a better idea

 **fatherfigure:** eye-

 **b00tAe:** time to dasi run run run bro

 **thiccbish:** okay but mint chocolate chip ice cream is kinda gross

 **_juancock_ ** _has left the chat!_

 **fatherfigure:** okay now let's talk abt how gross mint chocolate chip ice cream is

 _**hoesuck** _ _has left the chat!_

 **urdickisanoodle:** okay now this isn't good

 **bAMBITCH:** they will plan a democracy against us

 **uwO:** well tbh i kinda like mint chocolate chip ice cream 

 **iTSYABOI:** yeah it isn't  _That_ bad

 **fatherfigure:** you SCUM OF THE EARTH

 **suckneatjin:** WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY-

 **fatherfigure:** NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD TRULY BELIEVE THAT MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP ICE CREAM!!!

 **suckneatjin:** just bECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE IT DOESN'T MEAN OTHERS DON'T LIKE IT EITHERRRRRR

 **uwu:** i think everyone is just spectating at this point

 **cuCUMber:** yeah we r

 **kermittingsuislide:** it's a lot more fun this way

 **OwO:** honestly at this point i wonder why i'm still reading this dumbass conversation

 **caniplsgohome:** cuz u don't got a dick to suck

 **uwO:**   _OOF_

 **OwO:** what did i do to deserve this disrespect 

 **caniplsgohome:** i'm ur hyung i don't need to give you any respect

 **OwO:** wow okay now i see how it is

 **thiccbish:** guys it's awfully quiet in jeongguk's room,,,,

 **thiccbish:** and also hobi hyung's room,,,

 **thiccbish:** do you think they're plotting against namjoon hyung?? o_O

 **bAMBITCH:** no way, that seems too advanced for their knowledge

 **suckneatjin:** tbh all u have to do to trick joon is by saying you'll suck his dick, free of charge

 **fatherfigure:** THAT WAS ONE TIME BRO

 **fatherfigure:** oNE fUcKiNg TiME

 **urdickisanoodle:** but it worked, didn't it

 **jISOOSCHRIST:** hey kids gonna mute y'all so i can eat pussy in peace

 **urdickisanoodle:** those poor cats,,,,

 **jISOOSCHRIST:** wait no that's not what i meant-

 **suckneatjin:** just mute us n go sweetheart, he'll be okay 

 **jISOOSCHRIST:** :-( okay

 **b00tAe:** so r we gonna bring jk and hobi back or,,,,?

 **cookie:** that's up to joonie hyung, bc he made this gc

 **fatherfigure:** when they admit mint chocolate chip ice cream is gross and tastes like toothpaste, i'll let them back in

 **suckneatjin:** okay so maybe it does taste like toothpaste bUT those two still like it

 **fatherfigure:** do the research proving that mint chocolate chip ice cream is good and i will get a haircut 

 **urdickisanoodle:** already did it

 **urdickisanoodle:** and lots of people went against your claim i suppose

 **fatherfigure:** wHAT 

 **fatherfigure:** HOW CAN THIS BE

 **urdickisanoodle:** according to a recent survey taken by several thousand people, 

 **urdickisanoodle:** the most popular and widely picked ice cream flavour was mint chocolate chip ice cream, with the leading 16% of people's votes

 **urdickisanoodle:** the flavour that came in last was neapolitan, which came to 4% 

 **fatherfigure:** i don't understand....

 **fatherfigure:** pls don't make me get a haircut, i like my hair :-(((

 **urdickisanoodle:** hmmm...

 **urdickisanoodle:** okay

 **uwu:** i'm not even surprised at this point

 **kermittingsuislide:** damn i wanted to see him get an ugly ass haircut :T

 **uwO:** y'all mean

 **sweetass:** namjoonie hyung made jungkookie hyung leave

 **sweetass:** and hobi hyung

 **cuCUMber:** he's the mean one >:T

 **iTSYABOI:** i miss hobi

 **bAMBITCH:** i miss jk

 **b00tAe:** mood

 **caniplsgohome:** they've been gone for five minutes calm down

 **lifesabitchandsoami:** listen we all miss jk and hoesuck, okay

 **lifesabitchandsoami:** i miss their stupid remarks and annoying ass jokes

 **urdickisanoodle:** too bad they don't like you

 **b00tAe:**   _OOF_

 **iwishiwassolo:** okay uncalled for, but very true

 **lifesabitchandsoami:** wow that shit hurted

 **b00tAe:** life hurts sweetie, but you would know that since you claim life's a bitch, like you right?

 **suckneatjin:**  i CHOKED ON MY RAMEN

 **iwishiwassolo:** sTOP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i wonder how i come up with this stuff at three in the morning when i have the worst humour ever to exist


	5. eat my ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> having an ass like park jimin is the dream

**thiccbish:** omg my ass hURTS LIKE A BITCH

**bAMBITCH:** you said that yesterday tho...

**thiccbish:** when you have an ass like mine that no one can resist you will understand

**iTSYABOI:** well...yeah we can't relate..

**urdickisanoodle:** bruh i can

**juancock:** yeah you can

**lifesabitchandsoami:** lmao me too

**urdickisanoodle:** ma'am you're flat all around, even seokjin has more ass than you, and namjoon has bigger tits than you

**iwishiwassolo:** SKSKSJKSJSJSSJSJSJK 

**jISOOSCHRIST:** IM CRIYNG SLFSLJDGFLSFJSL

**pitstitsass:** this time i really can't back you up, that was golden

**lifesabitchandsoami:** i ain't even mad

**lifesabitchandsoami:** i may like pussy but can i eat y'all's asses?¿?

**juancock:** if you even so much as glance at my baby's ass i will rip your hair extensions right off your scalp

**iwishiwassolo:** and they wonder why we say jungkook is a gay motherfucker

**pitstitsass:** i'm pan so damn jk that was hot

**juancock:** too bad i don't like titties that aren't namjoons

**pitstitsass:** you're asking for me to suck your dick at this point

**suckneatjin:** ma'am that is my job please back away and let the professionals handle this

**fatherfigure:** then they ask us why we don't socialise with bp

**jISOOSCHRIST:** damn

**cookie:** i'm ready to retire

**cuCUMber:** our careers barely started but we already want to end them

**didisignupforthis:** yeah

**sweetass:** well

**moveimgay:** lol i got bitches so now thx

**kermittingsuislide:** omg they're already tainted

**moveimgay:** bitch you think jk hyung was the only one who went to that ariana concert

**fatherfigure:** jungkook.

**suckneatjin:** jk isn't here right now, he's too busy getting his dick sucked - jk

**urdickisanoodle:** i swear to fucking god i'm going to slap him

**hoesuck:** kinky

**b00tAe:** omg spank me daddy owo

**uwu:** omg shut up uwu

**thiccbish:** my ass still hurts

**suckneatjin:** sorry honey i didn't mean to hurt you :'(

**caniplsgohome:** and i-

**OwO:** oop


End file.
